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How to Read Flirting Body Language
Is she flirting with me?
Flirting is a promise of sexual intercourse without a guarantee.
Flirting body language is a complex and multifaceted element of language through which we communicate our intentions, often unconsciously. Having a good understanding of it can help us to convey subtle cues to people. As you get good at it, you’ll be able to pick up on the thoughts of others without them having to say a word.
Reading body language can help you in many areas of life but when we get into the realm of flirting body language, relationships and dating get much more interesting. First of all, flirting is different for guys and girls (how often has a guy got the girl by batting his eyelashes?). So there are 2 different books that really have a grasp on this subject. For men, our go-to guide is Flirt Mastery: How to Flirt and Create Hypnotic Conversations with Women. This centers a lot on body language, but it also encompasses much more of the process. For women, the best guide is Roberto Hogue’s Body Language Flirting. The best part about Body Language Flirting is that it comes free with an even better book called The Art of Irresistible! If you are interested in getting dates and having so much more fun in your life, you really need to get flirting and body language locked down.
So there’s this cute guy or girl you’ve had your eye on… Roberto is a pretty smart cookie.
Signs of flirting body language
Some of these signs are easy to spot, others might take a little practice to catch up on. The key here is to find as many of these as you can to tell how you’re doing whether it’s a first date or from across the room.
- They point their foot towards you. Often we unconsciously point our feet towards what we want the most. If their foot is pointing at the door then you’ve blown it. Guide their attention back to something you think they might be interested in and see how they react.
- Smiling. It might sound obvious, but this is one of the surest signs of interest. If you’ve been talking to them in a bar or club and they’re still smiling then chances are good that you’ve a good chance (I did that on purpose by the way). It’s hard not to smile when you’re getting the attention of someone really good…
- Signs of submission. This is more of a sign of flirting body language that women do, but exposing the wrists or showing the neck are signs of submissiveness and means that they feel comfortable around you. Don’t blow it now. You’re doing well!
- Their pupils dilate. This is a sign of physical attraction that we can’t control. Somehow, our brains are telling us we’re smitten and open up the pupils to get a better look. Use caution on this one though. Sometimes it’s not suggestive body language, it could just be dark.
- Fingers pointing to their crotch. This might sound obvious, but fingers tucked into the belt can subtly point towards the crotch without the other person even realizing they’re doing it. People like to showcase their junk if they think they might get a chance to use it!
- They lean on one hand. Leaning on one hand is often a bad sign, but if the hand isn’t taking all of the weight and the index finger is pointing at the brain, this can be a sign of genuine interest (not necessarily romantic interest but it’s a good start).
- Touching. More-than-average physical touching (such as slapping you while they laugh (but not too hard)) is a good sign of interest. Also, when someone touches their hair or lips or neck, they are definitely sending out flirting body language.
- Staring. If someone’s staring at you then they’re either going to beat the crap out of you or they fancy you. To check if they’re staring check the time. If you see them do the same then you’re golden.
- Muscle tone. Interestingly if a woman or a man sees someone they like, the look of their muscles will tense mildly enhancing muscle tone and making them look healthier.
Things you can do to use your body language when flirting
Using your body language to flirt enables you to tell someone you’re interested without making it blatant. Here are some suggestions.
- Put your hand on the small of the back Do this when your target is at the bar to let them know you’re interested and to send them a rush of hormones.
- Make lingering eye contact Again this can cause them to secrete certain hormones that will make them feel attraction even if they weren’t to begin with. This does take a little practice and must be done with a slight smile on your face so you don’t seem like a creep or a stalker.
- Look them up and down. This might seem a little too “caveman” for your tastes, but the goal here is to let someone know you’re interested. This is a sure fire way to show interest and can work from a distance too. Don’t be embarrassed of your desires. Blatantly showing interest is something people are too afraid of doing anymore.
- Subtle touching. You too can subtly touch your interest to get the juices flowing. Start with the outside of the body: back, arms, shoulders to get them used to your presence. Don’t wait for a good moment, start breaking those boundaries and touch early and touch everyone to not seem sleazy. You might just be that kind of a person. And being that kind of a person opens up countless opportunities for you!
Practice, practice, practice
As with anything, the more you put conscious effort into thinking about body language and flirting signals, the better you get around the opposite sex and the better you get at reading people in general. It’s best to learn body language in the realm of relationships first, because often these are the most blatant ones to catch and interpret.
As you get better with spotting the flirting body language signs, you can move this knowledge into the business world and beyond. We are taught from a very young age to disregard our intuitions and “sixth sense” on picking up on what people are really saying. If you’d like a great general training guide on how to use body language in business and beyond, try Body Language – Secrets of Master Communicators featuring more than 11 hours of training from one of the world’s leading authorities on interpreting body language. It’s a complete A-Z guide to using body language to really get your point across.