How to Deal with Rejection

What to do when you get rejected

Rejection–it could make the loss of someone you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut wrenching and world ending.
~Deb Caletti

Learning how to deal with rejection is a valuable lesson no matter if it’s rejection in the professional world or if it’s from that hottie you have eyes on.

It’s just a part of life that we’ll get rejected for one thing or another. To some people, it’s devastating. It makes you never want to try again. Sure, that’s one way to handle it, but then you wake up one day and find that you’ve never really done anything and you’re living a very tiny life.

So what defense do you have against rejection?

The first thing you need to understand when learning how to deal with rejection is that nothing is personal. In fact, sometimes it rarely has to do with you. You might not get the job because someone way more qualified also applied for the job. Besides, most positions are filled in-house. Posting jobs is usually only a formality.

What if it’s that little cutie that never gave you a chance? She might have just found out that her dog died. You just appeared at the worst possible time. Some people are just angry a-holes. There’s not much you can do about that. There’s simply no way to really know why someone rejects you.

The very best defense to dealing with rejection is to already have a bulletproof confidence and an understanding that there is nothing someone else can do to affect your own self worth.

The psychology of how to deal with rejection

You will always find angry, humorless, unintelligent, and immature people who delight in making others feel like garbage. This is usually a response to hold up an already damaged and shaky self esteem.

By definition, it’s nearly impossible for someone with healthy boundaries and a decent self-worth to be insulting crass or vicious for no reason. Think of it this way: that hottie the just tried to make you feel like you’re worthless would do everything he or she could to make your whole relationship with them follow the same rules. You just dodged a bullet that this person was so rude. Believe me, it’s much worse when someone makes you feel great for a little while and then starts with the abuse. Sociopaths are way more dangerous to your self-esteem than some angry idiot.

People who love themselves have an abundant happiness and fun to spread to the people around them. Let this be the most important lesson in how to deal with rejection. Only bring good people into your life. Be thankful that someone was so honest to prove how much they suck so early.

In fact, the best response to an angry or offhanded remark is “Thank you for that! I’ve been trying to get all the psychopaths out of my life. You just saved me three months of trying to figure you out.”

How to become rejection-proof

This is the question we get all the time. “How do I get to the point where no one can reject me?” Sorry folks. That is simply impossible. There is no way to account for every single variable you might encounter. Let’s say you are making a work presentation and you put your soul into it. You are proposing the first “dolphin flavored Popsicle” and you get shot down horribly. Unless they tell you why, you are only left to your own speculation as to why they didn’t like your product. It could just be a lousy idea, however there are more factors that you might have never been able to predict. Maybe the executive’s parents were killed in a swimming with dolphins accident. Maybe they are die-hard environmentalists.

Obviously, this scenario is completely ridiculous, but often reasons for rejection are. You might have done everything right, but for whatever reason, you might have reminded the buyer of his abusive step-dad. That girl that just called you a creep might simply be having a bad day.

Either way, there is nothing these people can do to affect how you feel about yourself. The reality is that you will experience all kinds of rejection in your life, but the best part is that the more you get rejected, the better you handle it. Think of it as a numbers game. The more failure you experience the easier it gets in how to deal with rejection. Not only that, you get better with great comebacks that actually help you get what you want.

Huh? What does that mean? As much as people love to feel they got one over on you, they actually love it when they get caught in their own bullcrap. Learning funny and biting comeback to insults actually get you further than your stupid pick up line. When you know how to push back, you’ve actually shown your “adversary” that you also know how to play the game.

Now you’re interesting and mysterious!

Not just any comeback

“Oh yeah? Well you’re a bitch!” is not a comeback. It shows no intelligence, but especially, it shows no playfullness. When people go out of their way to make you feel like dirt, make it your duty to go out of your way to make them feel embarrassment. You might be the first person who’s ever put them in their place. That is sexy!

Let’s say a cute girl just called you a loser when you tried to say “hi,” what are your options? As I already said, calling her a bitch is no good. What to do…

• Call them on it: say something like, “Wow! That’s you’re response? You’re one of those catty girls who never grew out of high school! Glory days, huh? Good to see you’re still sporting the same hair style.”
• Redirect: “Having a bad day? Aww… Maybe you should go home and eat that bucket of ice cream and cry yourself to sleep.”
• Deflect: (with enthusiasm)”I am the biggest loser you’ll ever meet! So what do you think about [news topic]?”
• Push through with your opening line acting like you didn’t hear her.
• Soften: “Aww that’s cute! You remind me of the pitbull I had as a kid. She loved to be scratched behind the ears…”
• Become absurd: “What a beautiful accent, are you Greek-Mexican?”

There are any number of directions you can take this to keep the upper hand when someone insults you or tries to argue with you, but you absolutely have to stay on your toes. If it’s your goal to get over the fear of rejection and to become unstoppable at the office and with members of the opposite sex, there is something that will change your life! You need to try the Win Arguements eCourse. Have you ever wanted to just know the exact perfect thing to say in any situation? Do you want to have confidence and self-control and the deep RESPECT everyone has for powerful people? This system is based on some of the same principles this entire website is exploring. If you really want a fool proof way on how to deal with rejection, this eCourse just might be the holy grail!

Don’t put so much into it

Studies have shown that people have a real fear when talking to men or women whom they consider “out of their league.” This is because those hotties usually have someone large or imposing who jealously protects them. There are so many people in the world that the chances of real punishment are much more diminished. If you’re just making conversation with someone, then what are the stakes? “Oh, you have a girlfriend? That’s cool. Where’s a good bar to dance at around here?” When you don’t put a lot of importance on simple conversation, then there is absolutely nothing to lose.

On the flip side, if you’re still the person who can’t talk to the “pretties,” then work your way up. In any social situation, start with striking up a conversation with the “uglies” with no intention of hitting on them. Move to the next cuter group of people and just let the conversation flow. You are simply being talkative and charming. There isn’t anyone I know that doesn’t find social experts highly sexy.

Talk to everyone as if they have nothing you want from them. This lets them ease their guard down and lets you sneak in a few comments that make them think of you either romantically or sexually. Never go all the way and show your interest until you’ve gotten a few indications that they enjoy you. Smiling, laughing, touching, and asking questions are all great indications that they are warming up to you.

If we’re talking about the business world, you can use your new laid-back attitude to talk about your proposals like they are a foregone conclusion. Insinuate that they would have to be pretty stupid not to follow this advice.

Many people think about failures at their job as life ending catastrophes. Unless you’re going to get fired, there is always a way to turn things around. How to deal with rejection at the workplace starts by understanding that there is always tomorrow and you have the skills (or know someone who can) fix it.

Perspective on how to deal with rejection

The only real rejection you face in your life is one that can get you seriously hurt or killed. Anything short of that is nothing at all. You will get rejected in your lifetime and as devastating as it might seem at the time, there will always be a better way to handle it next time. As long as you see this as a journey and not an endless series of failures, you will get better at handling rejection and the more you practice, the more dynamic and unstoppable you become. Get yourself out there!