The Science of Understanding Attraction

Are you being manipulated by dating techniques?

Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people.
~Jonathan Franzen

Understanding attraction is a powerful way to find the perfect mate. Not only is it important to understand the basics of how psychology can be used on you to “encourage” you to date someone, it’s also important to consider yourself in the equation.

What is it about you and your sum of experiences and memories that make you attracted to the people you always end up dating? In the following video, three women speed date with three men. What they don’t know is that the men all have specific instructions on how they are going to act with these women.

Watch closely to the psychological principles used to gain attraction from each of the women.

As you can see, each of the men had characteristics that at least one of the women liked, but let’s dissect this video even further. If you are truly interested in understanding attraction (especially understanding your own attraction), then we need to instead look at the women who were choosing the men.

Understanding attraction: the Player

Let’s start with the dating techniques guy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone learning a few ideas on how to get better around people (that’s what this website is all about!). If the guy is congruent with the knowledge he has about dating, then on one is getting short changed.

To be honest, it’s often quite difficult to not be attracted to someone who is smooth, relaxed, and flirty. Whether he had to spend years learning to be this way or he was just born with this kind of easygoing seduction, either way he’s a fun guy to be around.

When it comes to your attraction to this kind of man, you need to determine if you are being seduced by his words or the whole package. Seriously, any douchebag can get a bulletproof guide on how to pick up women and you might end up in his bed with no idea what you were thinking.

The trick is to really pay attention to who this guy is on a very unconscious level. Follow your intuition and you will make a good choice.

Players are fun! Just make sure you find the player who can walk the walk (or play the play).

Understanding attraction: the Overconfident Man

Perhaps the easiest one to take apart is the woman who chose the creepy guy; she loves the bad boy type. There is something universally attractive about confidence, but think about your dating life. Are you mistaking confidence with arrogance?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a mountain of confidence no matter if you are a man or a woman. It leads to better jobs, a happier and more fulfilled life, and there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself, right? The problem is in the perception of confidence. Confidence is not lying or over-exaggerating like the creepy guy was doing.

Do you find you always end up with the liar or a guy who turns out to be a lot less than he described? Keep your eyes WIDE OPEN when you are dating and you will get much further in understanding attraction.